Awww....to live life backwards!!

Ha ha ha! I laughed out loud when I saw this! I posted it many months ago....here it is again! Author not known!

I want to live my next life backwards.

You start out dead. Let's get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling a little better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying

your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink a little, be carefree and have lots of fun. As you get even younger, you become a kid again! .

You go to elementary school, play and have no responsibilities.In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.

Sorry again, but that was funny!

Do you know someone who needs you to take them by the hand?

Or do you need someone to take you by the hand?

Life is good and life is hard. I know some days I am exhausted and just plain sick of it. But I know
when we take our eyes off our fears, our doubts, our struggles and focus on someone else's needs, we somehow forget our own, for a little while. In believing the power of God's promises for others, our confidence in His promises for us, seems to grow as well.

Each day we have the same opportunity. We can come alongside each other in some of life's hardest challenges and highest peaks and say, "Don't give up, you can do it!"
Everyone has struggles, so lets take each other by the hand and do life together!

Gag-me!!

Jerid has the day off today....so he has two 15 year old friends over. Three teenage guys equals STINK!!! Between stinky feet, body oder, and butt air, and what they call good smelling cologne, It seems as though every room they are in reaks! I mean I literally gagged when I opened the door! Covering it up with cologne only made it worse! While I write I am airing out the house...every window is open and every door is open! It is a beautiful day so I kicked them OUTSIDE! Oh-well, I still have to say I am glad they are here, where I know what they are doing!
PEEEEWWWWW!

Parental Job Description

I do not know the author of this....
so I hope it is still okay to post it!



POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in
far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $50-5,000.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
and a total embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,
constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training by method of self-study offered on a continually
exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.



Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything
they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** FOOTNOTE **
"THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!
There is a possibility you may qualify for admission to the finest nursing
home, which you will also be financially responsible for.

Woman.......you are AMAZING !!!!!!

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colours.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Please pass this along to all your
women friends and relatives to remind them just
how amazing they are.

Prayer

Why is my prayer not answered?
If my request is wrong, God says, "No".
If the timing is wrong, God says, "Slow".
If I am wrong, God says, "Grow".
But if my request is right, the timing is right and
I am right, God says, "GO"!!!

Some answers are: direct....we see it and know that God has answered.
Some answers are: delayed...we have to wait.
Some answers are: disguised..we don't know he answered but he did and we don't notice until later.
Some answers are: denied...God sees the big picture and the future and knows what is best for me!

So don't forget....
The Father Does Know Best!

Let them soar into adulthood! (Family Life)

With these hands, I gently cradled this child, held him close to my heart, nursed his wounds and calmed her fears; held the books that I would read and rocked this child fast asleep. With these hands, I made his lunches and drove the car that carried her to school, snapped endless pictures, wrapped countless gifts, then did my best to assemble those gifts. Combed his hair and wiped her tear, let her know that I was near; to nurse his wounds and heal her heart when it would break. With these hands, I made mistakes, and with these hands, I prayed and prayed and prayed. These hands are feeble, these hands are worn; these hands can no longer calm the storms. These hands have done all they can do; these hands now release this child, my child, to You. For Your hands are able, Your hands are strong, Your hands alone can calm the storms. Your hands will continue to do what they are so gifted to do – to shape his life and make her new. Into Your hands receive this child, for my child I now give back to You. In the strong name of Jesus and with all my heart I pray, amen."